As of tomorrow, this site will be useless and all of our stuff will be on AlmightyPhilly.com. So go to it.
April 5, 2011
March 9, 2011
The Decision Has Been Made…
Alright people. I’ve been doing this blog for about 2 months and, even for that short period of time, I have seen some positive results and steady growth. It has been decided to shut down business for a short period of time and focus on making this site look like it hasn’t been designed by a 3rd grader with polio. The Pulitzer Prize winning content will remain the same but everything else about this blog will be getting actual money invested into it with hopes that it will no longer be as useless as Christopher Reeve’s dick. Even the name may be changed from PhilsandBirds.com to something else. We’re all about ideas and change here baby. I’m hoping for a full scale relaunch of the blog April 1st for the first of 158 wins for the Phillies this year, but that may be a bit optimistic. I shall keep ye updated with when we’re getting back after it.
-Smitty
February 28, 2011
Kirk Douglas Gives Hope To Al Davis And The Undead
Kirk Douglas is 94 years old, can’t speak because of a stroke 15 years ago, is off his rocker, and doesn’t give a shit as proven by the his appearance at the Oscars last night. Everybody loved the old senile bastard even though he was on stage for about 20 min for a presentation that should’ve taken a maximum of 45 seconds. Al Davis is 190 years old, can’t speak because his teeth and tounge were replaced with that of a random canine’s when a shell destroyed them in the battle of Shiloh, has been declared clinically brain dead since the rehiring of Art Shell, and doesn’t give a shit. Al had a press conference firing Tom Cable that he shouldn’t have even have had let alone let go on for 10 min. Two men beating the odds and winning the hearts of millions across America, even though they don’t know realize where they are and who put on their pants this morning.
Monday Morning Minx
Here we have Anne Hathaway, who is already amazing but is considered 100x more beautiful and cooler than she actually is because she is an Eagles fan. She is also going to be Catwoman in the next batman film, The Dark Knight Rises. Minx indeed.
thanks to Crossing Broad for the Eagles hat pic
February 23, 2011
Some Guy Ranks NFL Stadiums, “Linc” in Top 5
A Big Poppa Post
Joe Fortenbaugh from The National Football Post (who from this point on will be known as “some guy”) ranked all 31 NFL stadiums despite the fact that he has only been to 10 of them. Oh wait, he’s really been to 13 stadiums but just not for an NFL game. I guess you can really get a feel for what an Eagles game in December is like by seeing U2 play at Lincoln Financial Field in July. Or maybe this guy was just a misplaced Katrina victim. Sorry. Too soon? I meant Hurricane Georges.
This guy ranks the stadiums based on architecture, history, weather, fans, and location. He also admits that most of the rankings come from what he has heard and/or seen on television. So basically you or I could have made this list. I would be pissed off, but he actually has the Linc as the fifth best NFL stadium. Like a lot of guys, this guy has actually been to a game there and cites the sports complex atmosphere, passion of the fans, and the fact that there is not a bad seat in the house as the reasons for this high ranking.
The main purpose of the article for me was that it got me thinking, if someone who had actually been to every NFL stadium, or had the means to go to each venue were to rank the stadiums, I still think the Linc would be somewhere in the 5-10 range. It’s no North Texas Football Cathedral, but it is still new and aesthetically pleasing without being over the top. The fans and the tailgating are up there with the rest of the NFL. And let’s face it, the Eagles are always competitive and they play meaningful games there. So followers of the Almighty hit up the comments section and let me know what you’re thinking of the Lincoln and how you see it stacking up with the rest of the NFL.
This Month’s Featured Political Speaker At UCONN; The Ultimate Warrior. Wait, What?
Alright. So apparently a number of things have happened since this man retired from the WWF. He has legally changed his name from James Brian Helwig, to ‘The Ultimate Warrior’, to the more catchy and easy for him to remember/spell , ‘Warrior.’ He has been touring the country as a political speaker attempting to spread his ultra-conservative views. He is still batshit crazy. Here are the highlights of the Warrior speaking to students at the University of Connecticut. If you are too busy (lazy) to watch all 6 min, Smitty’s highlights of the highlights are below:
Things individuals who want legitimate respect from their peers and others shouldn’t say. At all. In any situation. Let alone in public to actual people:
- “Who raised you? Who changed your shitty diapers? Who fed you and stuck a nipple in your mouth?”
- When dominated in an arguement, just yell out “What are you smoking?”
- “You’re entitled to your wrong opinion about things.”
- “What country do you live in? What are you doing here? Somebody else please.”
- “Don’t have an orgasm on me honey.”
- “Queers are as legitimate as homosexuals? Queering doesn’t make the world work”
- “I have a guy here shooting the biography of my life, lets get him to videotape of you (a homosexual in the audience) hooking up and see if it (produces) a baby.”
- “I don’t care if you kiss another man, you can do it right here.”
- “I just told you, queering doesn’t make the world work.” (needed to be repeated because the first time I’m pretty sure people couldn’t believe their fucking ears)
- “15 years from now don’t let the tin cup I hit hit you in the mouth and knock your teeth out.”
- to the homosexual, “I can’t hear you, you’re gonna have to take that object out of your mouth.” BOOM.
Well folks, atleast he isn’t smoking cigarettes.
Cam Newton Seems Like A Humble Human Being
Because who needs a college degree and thousands of dollars of money under the table when you can have free 500$ laptops.
PFT – One of the questions about Auburn quarterback Cam Newton is whether his relative lack of experience means he’s not polished enough to be ready for the NFL. But Newton views the fact that he played just one season at Auburn in a different light.
“I’m aware of that statement,” Newton told Dan Wetzel of Yahoo. “I don’t want to sound arrogant but I did something in one year people couldn’t do in their whole collegiate careers.”
Cam’s first mistake, never start off a statement with ‘I don’t want to sound arrogant.’ Never in history has anyone said those words and then say something that’s not arrogant as dick. It’s like saying ‘no offense’, ‘we need to talk’, or ‘bend over good sir’. Whatever is said or done in the following 30 seconds is not good for business or good for anyone in that matter.
Cam’s second mistake, he should just stop talking. Not just to the press, but in general. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say a rational statement that didn’t involve himself blowing himself. A talented feat, I suppose, but one that should never be done.
Throw all of this on top of Newton stating, before he even sets foot into the combine, he wants to be known as an icon and entertainer in the NFL, you got yourself one big slice of humble pie.
Hump Day Hoochies
We’re back baby. After 4 days of my some awful internet connections combined with some sort of flu that if not treated would’ve developed into the black death and I would’ve ended looking like this, we are back with a vengeance. What better way to start the comeback with some Flyers hoochie fan action. Even though the boys lost to Phoenix (they still have a team?) last night 3-2, they are still slinging it and are represented by possibly the best group of hardcore fans in the nation. Here are some smokes pulled from that group.
February 21, 2011
My Apologies
We have been away since Friday and intended to get after it today but because of the internet being more god awful than Lenny Dykstra is as a human being, I haven’t been able to do anything. More posts will be up soon hopefully.
February 18, 2011
Mets Look Ready To Compete This Year
Notable Mets Players Expected To Compete With The Greatest Team Of All Time
Johan Santana
Pro – Once was a Cy Young winner about 20 years ago.
Con – Jello is a suitable substitute for his left arm. Out till July.
R.A. Dickey
Pro: Shuts down the Phillies for some reason
Con: Can’t shut down anybody else. His last name is Dickey
Oliver Perez
Pro – Not expected to be a starter or even make the team
Con – Expected to be taken behind the barn and shot sometime before spring training ends
Jose Reyes
Pro – Projected to be the next Derek Jeter
Con – Numbers are compared to Kevin Stocker’s
Mike Pelfrey
Pro – One of the few, young talented players on this team with potential
Con – Plays for the Mets, talent and dreams will be crushed my May
David Wright
Pro – Statistically, one of the most consistant 3rd basemen in the league
Con – Has the voice of Justin Beiber after being molested by racoons that have first been molested by beavers
K-Rod
Pro – Broke the single season saves record for the Angels
Con – Broke his father in laws’ face, tore up his thumb in the process. Also has 5 kids with 4 different woman. Still young enough to catch Antonio Cromarte.
